Down in a hole 26 June 2008

…. but bringing myself back out again!!

I feel soooooooooooooooooo much better today.  No tears today; instead I am laughing and joking with Kurt.  You can see the relief in his face when I laughed out loud for the first time today.  He just doesn’t know what to do with me when I’m crazy like that.

Maybe it was due to my lack of iron.  I’ve been horrible about taking my iron pills this past weekend, what with being so busy on Long Island with Kurt’s family.  I brought with me enough prenatal vitamins and iron pills to last me the weekend, but I just couldn’t remember to take them.  And the iron pills are so hard to plan around.  I have to take them two to three hours after eating, but an hour before eating again.  Here at the house, that’s pretty easy to do, since there’s usually a large gap between our lunch and dinner in which I can take them.  But when you’re out, it’s nearly impossible to plan for something like that.

We also got White Castle on Saturday while at the mini family reunion, and that really messed me up.  They don’t call ‘em gutbusters and belly bombs for nothing!  I only had three (if you aren’t aware, White Castle burgers are tiny things.  Kurt can eat one in two bites, so the fact that I had three does not make me a pig.  Kurt’s cousin’s son had six, and then followed it with a plate of Chinese food), but I felt so sick for most of the night.  I ended up spending at least twenty minutes in the bathroom on two separate occasions Saturday night.

So!  Notes to self:

1. Do not eat White Castle burgers, no matter how tasty, no matter how tempting.
2. Remember to take both prenatal vitamins and iron pills.  NO EXCUSES!!!

On to other matters.

The picnic today wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It didn’t start out well, however.  I got into the massively long line to get buns for burgers and hot dogs, condiments, and your choice of macaroni salad or potato salad.  I was doing so awesomely, balancing my plate and Grace’s, along with my bag of chips to boot, when I decided to grab some potato salad.  Somehow, I don’t even know how, down went my plate onto the floor, spilling my two burger buns (hey, I’m pregnant!), my dill pickles, my potato salad, everything.  For some reason, that hit me really hard, and I almost began sobbing.  I think I was mainly freaked out by having to stand in that line all over again, but fortunately another man at the picnic saw my distress and rescued me by giving me a new plate and allowing me to “cut” in line ahead of him.  He also really put me at my ease, calming me down by simply being calm and funny himself.  It was like I was drowning in the deep end of the pool, and this guy said, “Just put your feet down!” and lo and behold, my feet could touch bottom.

Lest you think Kurt was lacking in his role as Knight in Shining Armor, he was busy cleaning up the mess I’d made, thereby getting ketchup all over his shorts.  Poor guy.

Once we got all the fixin’s for our burgers, etc, we stood in yet another line for our meat.  This is where the clusterfuck occurred.  Seriously.  What kind of piss-poor planning has just one grill going with burgers and hot dogs, when the burgers have to be cooked from frozen??  It took yet another thirty minutes of standing in line to get our meat, and we were one of the first people in line.  Why they hadn’t started cooking before the picnic even started to get a head-start on the burgers, I have no idea.

On the allergy front, that picnic was a bit on the nerve-wracking side.  I had no idea what the cookies that were being served had in them, and of course, every child there had a cookie in his hand.  We’d already decided to stay away from the sweets, so we didn’t feel all that deprived.  But once we got there, we noticed two turkey fryers filled with peanut oil.  So no fried turkey for us, though it is one of our absolute favorite things to eat.  Why they couldn’t use another oil is beyond me.

It was clear early on that Grace was going to escape unscathed, so I managed to relax.  Then Kurt and I found his friend that he bikes in to work with every morning, and we sat with him and his wife.  That’s when I really began to enjoy myself.  She and I got along swimmingly, and I found out that she is exactly my own age!  This is terribly exciting because I normally get along best with folks older than me, and while it’s usually no big deal, occasionally I’ll get the “you’ll understand when you’re older!” comment that drives me batty.  Yes, yes, I realize that as one gets older, one gets wiser (one hopes, anyhow).  But at the same time, would these same people appreciate it if I threw their age in their faces?  “Oh, you wouldn’t understand.  You’re too OLD.”

But here was a girl who’s the same age as me, and who has a pretty similar view on life.  She doesn’t have children yet, but she’s really very grounded.  She’s sweet and charming and smart and just a joy to be around.  We talked for the entire picnic, and then some.  The guys had finished their clean-up by the time we said goodbye, and that’s saying something.  I expected to be there only a couple of hours, no more.

The forecast called for storms and pouring rain.  We got instead a lot of overcast skies and a few drops.  I much preferred the clouds to full-on sun, though, so I was happy as a clam.  There was no shade at this picnic, and I tend to burn.  Plus too much sun makes Karyl a very sleepy person.

I also managed to avoid the one person I wished to avoid the most, the dreaded TC.  She spotted me fairly early on, I believe, but I’m not positive she recognized me.  I have a totally different hairstyle, which is now bright red, and I’m pregnant.  But she most likely recognized Kurt (how could you not??) and assumed that the girl with him had to be me.  She was wearing a loose halter top with no bra, which really made me think of Lena’s Jane, only thirty years younger.  Yuck.  Eventually I couldn’t avoid her any more; she approached the group I was sitting with to take some photos.  She really weirded out my new friend because she had no idea who this TC person was and why she was photographing her.  I explained the whole situation later to her.  But TC quickly moved on, and I didn’t speak to her or her husband the entire time.  Kurt spoke to the husband, but then he works with him.  He kind of has to talk to him.

And if taking my pills, being a lot more cheerful, enjoying the picnic, and meeting new friends weren’t enough, I received a surprise phone call from our own favorite border-crosser, Shippie, all the way from Canada!  She just wanted to cheer me up and get me to smile.  Could there be a sweeter gesture?  And during that conversation, Kurt arrived home from seeing the latest Indiana Jones movie, and in his hand was food from Wendy’s.

I guess I’ll have to chalk this up as quite a banner day!!

You gotta spend some time, love 25 June 2008

It is clear that I’m in the grip of a hormone-induced malaise.

This is not a good thing.

Today was no better than yesterday, and in fact, it was quite a bit worse.  However, today’s depression wasn’t sparked by anything.  Not really, anyhow.  I woke up at 8:30am in a panic, realizing that I had most probably left Grace’s flip-flops on Long Island.  For most people, this would be Not a Big Deal.  But it was enough to propel me out of bed and begin a desperate search through all the possible places these flip-flops may be.  Of course, it was to no avail.

Those damn flip-flops better be enjoying their time at Kurt’s aunt’s house.

See, they’re flip-flops by Buster Brown.  They’re clear plastic on the bottom, with butterflies printed where you put your feet.  The thong part is see-through blue plastic, and when Grace moves, the shoes light up.  I call them her “dressy flip-flops” because they go with everything.  They’re also the easiest shoes to get on her after her swimming lessons.

Not only that, I spent $15 on them.  That’s a lot of money to me for just a pair of flip-flops.

So that was upsetting.  Not a big deal in the scheme of things, I know.  But I hate leaving things behind, I hate losing things, I hate misplacing things.  It drives me nuts.  I think it’s the way I was raised.  My father hammered into my head, “A place for everything, and everything in its place.”  He had no patience for a child losing something or other.  If I misplaced a book and ended up with massive late fees, I was responsible for those late fees.  Seeing as I only got $2 a week for an allowance, I was constantly in the red.

Then Kurt came home and made the completely innocuous statement that there’s a softball game tonight.  Again, that really ought not to be a big deal — but he sprung it on me at 1:30pm when it’s a 6:30pm game.  That pretty much kills our entire evening because Grace goes to bed at 8pm.  And I know I needed just to get out and do something, and preferably not chasing after Grace during a softball game.

I found myself in bed for another hour or so, and I actually slept.  That surprised me because I didn’t feel tired.  But I guess I’m getting myself so worked up that I’m wearing myself out.

Gotta stop that.  It ain’t getting me anywhere.

Grace had swim lessons today, which was good as it forced me out of the house.  She’s been moved up to Level 1 already, which surprised me as she’d just finished her first toddler swim class.  Apparently she takes after her momma utterly; she’s a fish!  I guess Grace even has a pretty good backstroke, which amazes me as I can’t even do the backstroke.  The swim coordinator, who had been her teacher last session, thought Grace was four, but when I told her she was just three, she replied, “Whoops.  Well, technically she’s too young for Level 1, but she’s ready!”  I about burst with pride at that remark.

I also bought her a bubble, those flotation devices that go on a kid’s back to help them float.  The pool uses them on occasion with the kids, and I figured it’d be good for her to have when we went to my uncle’s for Fourth of July, as he has a pool.  Of course, Grace, being typical Grace, picked out the bubble covered in veggies.  The clerk behind the desk said, “I think that’s the first time a kid’s voluntarily picked out the veggie bubble!”  That’s my girl!!

Kurt decided to skip the softball game and instead took me out to dinner.  I was in no mood to cook.  See, that’s another reason I know I’m down in the dumps.  I’m not cooking.  I don’t even want to cook.  And usually I’m scouring the internet for more good recipes, more delicious food to make, more new foods to try.

We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant, which is about thirty miles away.  It’s a bit of an extravagance, what with gas prices the way they are, but it’s totally worth it.  The Mexican joint near the house has the worst service, and while their food is okay, it just can’t compare to the place in Massachusetts.  Besides, we have this discount card for the Massachusetts place which gets us $5 off each time we visit.  Can’t beat that with a stick!

All three of us ate for $25 tonight, which is shockingly cheap for Mexican food.  For one thing, neither of us got sodas (we hardly ever buy alcohol), and I ordered the sopa de albóndigas, which I am finding out means “meatball soup.”  It was goooooood.  Meatballs, chunks of carrots and potatoes, in a broth that seemed to be chicken-based, with diced tomatoes, and garnished with fresh cilantro.  Oh, yum.  It was a huge bowl, too.

I managed to engage in some retail therapy after dinner as well, since there’s a mall right next door to the Mexican place.  Grace has very little in the way of warm-weather clothing, and I am finding shorts in her size to be hard to come by.  I’ve been to two separate Targets only to find the toddler sizes of shorts to be completely wiped out.  Kohl’s was no better, and tonight’s foray into The Children’s Place didn’t get me far either.  I just want shorts, people!  Denim and khaki shorts.  Plain.  Nothin’ on ‘em.  No funky or fun colors, so that if Kurt gets her dressed in the morning, he can simply grab one pair of shorts and one shirt and be certain that they match.

Apparently I am the only one in the universe who wants such plain shorts for my daughter.  Also, I don’t want to pay much for them.  The $4 shorts at Target are totally in my price range, but as I mentioned, they were already cleaned out.

And yes, I’ve checked the thrift stores too.  For some reason, size 4 is a hard size to come by.

However, I did manage to score three pairs or so, two of which came from Sears.  It’s not my favorite place to buy clothing, but when the going gets tough, the tough cannot be choosy.  It’s just amazing to be surrounded by children’s clothing, but to have to reject 90% of it because it’s not the right size, it’s too expensive, it’s too hoochie-mama, it’s too whatever.  I also managed to score a new pair of light-up flip-flops at Sears for Grace.  So all is right with my world.

Now I’m feeling a bit better, with delicious soup in my stomach, a trip to the mall under my belt, and my spicy ginger-and-honey tea that I got at the Korean store in my tea cup.  Tomorrow is the command picnic at Kurt’s work, so I have to gear myself up for that.  The infamous TC, the girl who wanted me to babysit her kid full-time after meeting me twice and who dumped her kid on me without notice, will be there with husband and child.  I am not looking forward to that, but fortunately I now know other wives I can chum around with.

Besides, I have a feeling they will be drunk and/or hungover.  They’re in the process of cooking a whole pig as we speak, and as soon as the beer arrived, TC’s husband was going to start drinking.  I will be interested to see how sober he will be if he has to teach tomorrow morning.

I have a feeling that by the time these people are in their 50s, we’ll be seeing a reincarnation of Lena’s Jane in TC.  It’s pretty sad, if you ask me.

Put ‘em on already 24 June 2008

I should really take my own advice more often, wouldn’t you think?  Or at least the advice on the signs I have around the house…

So yeah, I seriously need to put my big girl panties on and just DEAL WITH IT already.  But in my defense, it hasn’t been the best of days.

Did I mention my parents went to Israel?  Oh yes.  They left on Saturday, the very same day I went to Long Island to meet mass quantities of Kurt’s family.  See, my parents have done a ton of research on the situation in Israel, and they believe the Palestinians have a legitimate complaint, and that Israel isn’t being all that fair to them.  There’s probably much more to it than that, but all I know is they don’t side with the Israelis.  That makes family reunions on my father’s side rather interesting, as my father comes from a very Jewish family who are understandably very pro-Israel.

Me, I don’t know what to think.  I don’t think I’ve researched what’s going on there enough to make a very informed decision.  In a way, I find it odd that the UN could simply step into Palestine and decide that it’s now going to become a Jewish state in reparation for the atrocities the Jews suffered during the Holocaust.  I sympathize with the Jews wanting a home to call their own, but what about the Palestinians?  Did anyone ask them whether it was okay for all these Jews to move in and take over?

Anyhow, that’s about as in-depth as I have gotten thus far.  But my parents belong to a group at their church that is very pro-Palestinian, which is not to say they support extremists of any stripe.  They denounce the terroristic acts engaged in by both sides.  But my mom’s got some harsh things to say about a lot of the Israelis in power.

Their group at church decided to take a trip to Israel to see things for themselves, which is how my parents came to be in Israel for ten days.  And I am pretty much a nervous wreck.  Yes, my friend and his fiancée just went there for Passover and came home in one piece, and I know tons of tourists visit Jerusalem without any ill effects at all.

Part of my problem is I don’t know where in Israel they’re going to be.  I’m assuming there will be a trip to Jerusalem, because what is a trip to Israel without visiting the Holy City, but I don’t know if they’ll be going to Tel Aviv or the West Bank or the Gaza Strip as well.  I do know they’ll be in the company of the Palestinians.  Whether that is supposed to be comforting, I don’t know.

It doesn’t help that MSNBC.com was reporting that militants in the Gaza Strip had fired rockets into southern Israel, breaking the five-day-old truce between the Hamas-led Gaza Strip and Israel.  Then today a police officer committed suicide at the Tel Aviv airport during a departure ceremony for French president Nicolas Sarkozy.  At first it was feared that it was an assassination attempt, but now it’s being reported as just a suicide.

And you know, my mom is one of those people who cannot seem to keep her mouth closed when it would behoove her greatly.  I have this fear that she will mouth off to exactly the wrong people and that she will land herself in some kind of hot water.

These things do not reassure me.  It doesn’t help that I have no means of contact with them.  My entire family is far too cheap to have an international plan on our cell phones, and my father left his laptop at home (shock of all shocks, if you knew my father).  All I can do is hope and pray and cross my fingers.

So.  There you have it.

It also doesn’t help that Kurt and I got into a nasty fight today, sparked by my discovery of the little car being used as a trash dump.  See, when I went to take Grace to school this morning, the van wouldn’t start.  This isn’t a huge surprise; for some reason, it is easy to kill the battery in the minivan.  I could have left the tiniest of lights on, and the battery could have been dead in under twenty minutes.  Don’t ask me why it is; it just is.  The good news was that Kurt rode his bike to work today, leaving me the little car in which to get Grace to school.

But when I opened the door to the car and saw crap all over the back seat, no car seat (which he later told me he keeps in the trunk; how was I supposed to know that??), and garbage covering the entire space on the floor between the back seat and the passenger seat, I saw red.  I realize that I cannot expect Kurt to keep the car as clean as I do.  He’s not a neat person.  But to trash it like that?

I was really, really mad.

I became even angrier when it was clear that Kurt felt I was overreacting.  When I tried to explain that I was upset because that had been my car that I had paid for with my money from my first job, and that I expected at least some sort of respect to be shown to it, he didn’t understand.  He simply told me he’d clean it out, it was no big deal, he’d take care of it.

He did end up cleaning it out, but the situation also ended up turning very, very nasty.  I ended up taking a three-hour nap this afternoon because I was so upset, and because I am still exhausted from our busy weekend.  (And then I woke up to the dog having peed on the carpet while I was sleeping…. gahhh.)  We’ve apologized and made up, but I am still pretty…. depressed.  I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but I do feel myself shutting down to a point.

But it stormed today.  Maybe that’s not good news for most of you, but I enjoy a good summer storm.  I know it was storming fairly hard while I was napping, and then again after dinner.  We even got an Emergency Broadcast Alert coming through the tv, warning of severe thunderstorms in the area.  Since when do the Emergency Alerts do anything but run tests??  I got all excited.  But it was just a lot of big thunderclaps and some heavy rain.  Grace was a bit scared, but I made sure she knew it was all noise and couldn’t hurt her.

So here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day.  Oh, and that 1 July and my parents’ safe return comes quickly.