So here I sit, listening to Lou Bega and being rather cheerful. I don’t understand why I’m in a Lou Bega mood; it’s just such a happy CD, and that doesn’t match the mood I’d been in for such a long time. Maybe the rain knocked me out of my funk…. maybe it was DC…..
The funk resulted from my obsession with my ex. I was talking to a friend online from high school, and he mentioned something about this particular ex having had to get married in a hurry. Usually I never think about this ex… I never even remember him most of the time. This time was different… I remembered so much about him. His smile with the two front crooked teeth, his long wheat-coloured hair, the blue-grey-green eyes that matched mine, the way he just TOWERED over me (being more than a foot taller), the way he smelled…… All I could think of was him for days on end. It was such a bad relationship, though. Mind games, physical violence, emotional battering… not worth all this. And now I have such a wonderful man; while not the most mature of men, a man who treats me like royalty and loves me despite my foibles. My roommate is sure that it’s because my ex was my first love, and that your first love is always who you obsess over. I just wish it were anyone other than this particular ex. There are many things I regret in my lifetime, but this is pretty damn near the top. I wish I could just sever that part of my brain… I’ve tried to forget, but every six months or so I get reminded of him and then nothing gets him out of my head for days. I think this time it was DC that finally got him out of my head even though I was nearer to him geographically than ever. But with my boyfriend getting really sick and having to take care of him, I guess I just focused on that. I hate how I feel about my ex — I don’t think I’ve loved anyone as much. And that’s really distressing……..
Sometimes I am so amazed about my roommate. She’s so damn smart when it comes to people, and she doesn’t even have any siblings. I love how I can tell her whatever I want — she doesn’t freak out or shut me up. Friends like that are super rare. :o) Be thankful for these kinds of friends… and treasure the ones you have.