The Mind of Bluesleepy

Unsettled 19 September 2000

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 10:55 am

It was easily the most unsettling feeling I’ve had in a long time. This morning in Folk Dance, I was paired with a girl rather randomly by the professor, and we began the Virginia Reel. A fun dance…

All that kept going through my head as I danced was how feminine, how classy, how demure my partner was. How female. Next to her, I was huge, ungainly, graceless. She was just what I would characterize femininity to be.

When we took hands as part of the dance, she held only the tips of my fingers. Her grip was soft; I barely knew she was touching me.

She wasn’t even that pretty… just average, I guess. But I was just the opposite of her.

I’ve always been a tomboy and not one for dresses. When I was very small and my dad was taking care of us, he made the mistake of dressing me up first before he dressed my older sister. He found me later in the wading pool full of water, fully dressed. I wear a dress to Folk Dance because the professor requires it, and because it’s cooler than wearing jeans or long pants.

I’ve never been able to act feminine very well. I cuss, I drink beer, sometimes I belch, I tell dirty jokes… I prefer overalls to dresses, Skechers to heels, jeans to pantyhose. My favourite outfit is jeans, sneakers, a tank top, and my beloved blue plaid buttondown, which is actually a man’s shirt. I can wear a dress and not make a massive faux pas like sitting with my legs spread (some girl in Folk Dance was doing that this morning, and unfortunately we have only one male in that class that would be interested), and I can walk in heels. I just prefer to be a tomboy.

I’m not a hardcore tomboy — I wear makeup and try to make sure my hair looks nice. But I won’t spend hours on doing either; I’ve got the makeup application down to five minutes and my hair takes slightly longer since I blowdry it.

So I guess that was why I felt so unsettled by this girl. She was just so… perfectly feminine. Basically everything I’m not. And it’s not that I’m unhappy the way I am. I like myself, I like the way I look, I like the fact that I’m not very feminine. But presented with the epitome of womanhood just knocked me off my tracks for a few minutes. A very strange sensation.

It didn’t help that she has a huge rock of a diamond glistening on her left ring finger. It scares me when folks my age are engaged. There are some instances that I know of that I’m ok with, but generally it frightens me. I just feel too young myself to make such a commitment — it’s a bit disturbing to think maybe someone does have their head on straight at such a young age. Maybe they do… but too many marriages these days end in divorce.


Did anyone else see the US make damn fools of themselves out on the gymnastics floor last night?? I know it’s hard work and everything, but they just couldn’t handle the pressure, I guess. It was almost painful to watch, especially since it was the last Olympics for one of the men, and he really wanted to medal. I’m happy for the Chinese, though. It’s their first gold in men’s team gymnastics — ever. I know they’re partying over there! :o)

My roommate, my suitemates, and I have been rather much glued to the tv to watch the Olympics these past few days. We missed a lot of the beginning, but ever since Sunday we’ve been avid watchers. Luckily, our university decided to subscribe to NBC, MSNBC, and CNBC, so we get all of the Olympic coverage. Woo hoo!! :o)

Homework??? What homework?? :o)


Happy eight-month anniversary, sweety!! May we have another happy eight months together and more! *kiss*


The US Women’s Water Polo team is undefeated!!! WOO HOO!!!!


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