The Mind of Bluesleepy

Hope beyond hope 6 November 2000

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 5:03 pm

I don’t get vests. At all. Not the sweater kind, or even the jacket type. It’s my arms that get cold, y’all, not my chest!! I have plenty of insulation on my chest, thankyouverymuch, to worry about that sort of thing. But as I was in class this afternoon, paying attention to the lecture and discussion, I was devoting a fraction of my brain to the pondering of my professor’s vest. Does it REALLY keep him warm? Does keeping one’s chest warm keep the rest of one warm? Somehow I doubt it, but then I’ve never worn a vest. They don’t look good on me.

Again, I fell asleep in Artificial Intelligence this morning. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!! I went to sleep around midnight last night, and when my alarm went off at 7:30am the only reason I woke up is because my roommate thought it was her alarm and so she started banging hers! I didn’t even hear it go off… sad, really. I got plenty of sleep… but around 9:35am this morning, with just 15 minutes to go in the class, I fell asleep. And woke up at the end of class with the brim of my hat resting against the table. I was wondering why I could feel the pulse in my forehead so strongly…

I talked to my stepmom last night. Blecch. I swear, that woman could put Mother Theresa in a foul mood… I don’t like talking to her on the phone, especially, because I don’t really talk to her when I’m there in person. When I get on the phone, she gets all saccharine and fake. “HI, Karyl!! How are you?!?! How are things??! I’m so glad to hear from you!!!” And when I actually GET there to her house, she doesn’t acknowledge my presence unless she’s forced to. Not that I mind… Well, when I called last night, I intended to speak to my dad, but he was watching a movie with my brother. So I had to leave the message with Marty, which means I don’t think Dad got the message at all. I was talking to Marty, and the whole time I started feeling worse and worse (last night I felt really ill), and my brain just got completely unhooked from my mouth. So I couldn’t articulate what I wanted to say, and my stepmom just got more and more evil. She started harassing me about getting job interviews over Christmas break, completely forgetting that I have been interviewing for quite a few jobs on campus already, and that for once in my life I’m NOT slacking off. But she didn’t even bother to ask how the job search was going — she just assumed I wasn’t doing enough. Par for the course…

Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of weeks. I was reminded today that we have this week and then next, and then we are free for a few days. This break is what I’ve been living for these past few weeks of intense stress.

And the good thing of all of this is I think maybe I have come to terms with how to deal with my stress. I no longer get as ill, as sick to my stomach, as I had been getting earlier in the year. My heart rate is still elevated, but there’s not much I can do about that. And right now it’s chugging along at a decent pace, not really too fast. I hope life stays this way — I can deal with stress as long as my physical symptoms stay away.

And so I begin to debate whether I can take a three-day weekend this weekend. I want to say yes, but if the next program we have due will be due next week, I doubt I’ll be able to go anywhere this weekend. And unfortunately, it IS due next Thursday. Not to mention my Prolog program for Artificial Intelligence due next Wednesday. At least, only having just over a week to work on it, maybe the graphics program won’t be too bad. One can hope, can’t one?

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