The Mind of Bluesleepy

Oh give me a job… where the rare books roam… 4 April 2001

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 10:14 am

Another day, another dollar…. It’s odd how I view time now. Things haven’t been going that well lately, and so I focus solely on the end of the week. Monday comes, and I say, “Just four more days…” Then Tuesday, Wednesday… and before I know it, it’s Friday… Then it all starts back up again on Monday. But time is passing along… it’s not dragging. Just six more weeks till graduation. I can do this. But the thing I’ve been worried about is working once I get out of school.

(Whew… the girl that was staring at me here in the computer lab just left. I looked out past my monitor for just a second, and this girl on the other side of me was staring at me. But she smiled at me… I guess that makes it all ok…)

I’m so pathetic when it comes to looking for a job. I got so whacked out last semester when I was submitting my resume online through the career services page to all sorts of computer science companies. They’d either reject me (which happened most often), or they’d accept me and then I’d have to go to an interview where they decided they didn’t need someone like me. I’d like to think it’s because my computer science grades aren’t the greatest and they wanted the cream of the crop (moooo….), rather than because I’m a moron or something. But I don’t know for sure… I wish they gave you a reason as to why they didn’t like you. You know, sort of a card like you give to restaurants in their suggestion box. Rate me on how well I conducted myself during the interview.

So now I’m scared. That’s what it boils down to. So I haven’t been looking, haven’t looked at the classifieds, haven’t looked at and all those other job sites… I’m just scared to send in a letter. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of it… but I’ve always been a shy girl. I don’t like strangers. I don’t like strange situations. Just leave me alone and I’ll be fine.

I wish a job would just fall into my lap… yeah I know that’s not possible.

Especially because I’m under so much pressure from my parents to get a hot-shot job. To be paid $40K at least coming out of school just because I’m a computer science major (and a bad one at that). To be all about the corporate world and making mad amounts of money.

I’m not that kind of person. That’s one of the reasons I want a library job. I don’t like the corporate world. I want to just do my work, be left alone with old and rare books, and that’s it. It’s hard to explain really… but what I know of the corporate world I don’t really like.

But I still need a job…. And I know I should just get my act together and quit bitching about it… I want to take some time off first… Get my act together… then look. My father and stepmother are on my case, though, and they just don’t understand.

“Parents just don’t understand….” :o)

One day I’ll figure it all out. And I’ll be the best damn librarian they’ve met. Just you wait. ;o)


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