The Mind of Bluesleepy

Frustration abounds 19 April 2001

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 11:21 am

I don’t know whether to characterize this day as good or bad yet… And here I was all ready to start this entry with a rant about hown bad the day’s been. But I really don’t see how it’s been so bad. I think I’m just frustrated.

See, one of our assignments for Folk Dance was to come up with an original English country folk dance. Our professor told us exactly how to count it and how many moves we need based on how many couples we had. So our group came up with this really rad dance with some complex moves — like a double star and double casting. Each day when we practiced our dance, something wouldn’t work right, so the professor would come over and tell us how to fix it. We put in the moves she suggested, and then the rest of the dance would be off. She would suggest more moves, and so on… We ended up completely changing the dance each and every time we met for class. Finally we thought we had it, and we had to perform it for the rest of the class. We totally messed up one move and had to start over, but after that embarrassment we got through the dance fairly well. She approached us as we finished and told us that we need to change things, that it was choppy. Then today she told us that she’d written up everyone’s dances, and ours doesn’t fit the thirty-two bar song — that we have to either shorten it to sixteen or increase it to the full thirty-two. So we shortened it, taking out the double star and the double cast, which is what set our dance apart from everyone else’s. Our group was pissed — one girl said we should rename our dance to “Sylvia’s Way” since the professor’s the one who pretty much composed it now. We have one element that’s original to what we came up with in the beginning, and she even wanted to take that out. But we resisted… and it will be performed next Tuesday. We need more practice, and she told us that we’d have to meet before class (I have an earlier class) or over the weekend (one girl has a crew regatta in Philadelphia this weekend) because we’d run out of time. We’d run out of time because she changed everything each and every day we danced! The whole idea was fun in the beginning, but it isn’t any longer.

My web programming professor gave out evaluations today — and man, did I blast him. I ended my comments with “The department either needs to drop this class or find an instructor who knows what he’s doing,” and that was one of the nicer things I said. On the survey portion, I gave him all “poor” and “fair” ratings — the worst I’ve ever given a professor here. But nothing will get done… he’s got tenure.

So my day hasn’t been all that bad, especially considering that my last class of the day was cancelled because the professor went to a conference.

And besides, even though it’s a little chilly for this time of the year, it’s sunny and nice outside.

I think part of what’s wrong with me is that I have that disorder where if it’s sunny and nice outside, I’m good to go. Life is sunny and bright, things don’t get to me, and I feel cheery and upbeat. But if it’s overcast and nasty, I just feel like crap. I get so depressed and prone to crying fits, and life seems so dreary and impossible to get through. When I’m with Kurt it doesn’t seem to affect me much, or maybe it’s because we don’t go outside if it’s nasty out. Here I can’t help going out… I have classes, and work, and I need to eat.

Plus I’m just exhausted. I never get enough sleep, no matter when I go to bed. Yes, I know that it’ll all be over in a few weeks, but if I get this job (*fingers crossed*), I start 25 May, giving me eleven days of vacation. I was hoping for at least a month because I haven’t had a vacation since I started college. I’ve always worked while in school, then started working during the vacations the day I got home. And I’d work until the day before I went back to school. So I’ve been on the go for four years… and I guess it’s starting to take its toll.

But maybe life will get better once I get a job and get settled… no more going to class and to work for nine hours a day and then having to stress about school work and programs and papers.

I’ll try to stay positive…..

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