The Mind of Bluesleepy

Hurry up and wait 18 September 2001

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 8:08 pm

I suppose it is rather fitting that once I had finished a very long entry, that when I click the button to post, I get the error page.

Poof. Gone.

Just the way my life is going.

I can’t take the television anymore. I can’t listen to one more analyst give his own opinion on matter, on why America should have seen it coming. I can’t hear about those in America who are being targeted because they are of Middle Eastern descent. We come to the aid of those in need in NYC, and we kill an Indian in Mesa, AZ, because he’s from the Middle East??

Why the callous attitude of mine, you ask?

Because right now I’m in a waiting game. I’m in a holding pattern. No one’s telling me anything but expecting everything from me. And I can’t take it much longer.

Next month I’m getting married. Yay, excitement, ring the church bells. Well, it’s more complex than that. I can’t have even the small amount of people I wanted to be there and share this special moment with me for reasons that I cannot control. I don’t mind not being able to get on base — I want our servicepeople safe. But the rest of it comes down to just so much b.s. So now I’m having my reception in my tiny one-bedroom apartment, which limits those who can come to maybe 15. And that’s pushing it.

At least now I know I can take the time off. Thank you, Dr. K.

Speaking of work, John put his two-week notice in and his last day is Friday. Eep. That man has run the lab for so long that I have no idea what we’re going to do when he’s gone. Have they been looking for a replacement for him?? Not quite. Today they asked Michelle her opinion on whether they should hire one chemist or two lab technicians. They don’t even have any names. So training the new chemist to do John’s job will be up to Michelle, and Michelle’s not even trained to do his job. Not to mention that they expect us to do my job, Michelle’s job, and John’s job, just the two of us, and increase our productivity and our record-keeping in the bargain. Apparently, Dr. K and Tesfa checked out our records yesterday and they’re not up to snuff. We don’t really have time to keep records. But because we don’t have something concrete to show for all the time we spend in the lab, they think we’re just sitting up there in the office talking to one another.

And I worry for Michelle. She’s taking John’s leaving really hard because she knows she’s going to be principal chemist, and she’s not sure enough of herself to be confident that she’ll do fine. I think she will, but she’s really worried about it.

Today at lunch I found out one of the main reasons John left. He was under the assumption that in our company he’d be able to grow with the company and move up the ladder. Imagine his disgust when a man who doesn’t know jack about the lab and has to ask questions all the time was promoted to lab manager over John, with three years’ experience. The company didn’t even advertise internally, so John didn’t even have a fighting chance for the job.

Then Michelle and John tell me the truth about a lot of the people in our company. How they backstab so they can get ahead, and not really worry about what’s best for the company. So do I really want to give my all to this company, who’s going to screw me over at every opportunity?? Trust me, I’m not there for the money. I guess I could be like everyone else and just worry about myself.

But I’m not that kind of person.

I want to know for sure what’s going to go on with this war. Are we sending troops?? When are the troops leaving? What’s really going on? My significant other is in the military, and if I knew concretely one way or the other that he were going or he were staying, I could deal with it a lot better. I would know what I would have to deal with. But this waiting is getting to me.

And since I don’t know what’s going on, whether he’ll get sent or not, I can’t even really plan for sure on my wedding. If he gets called up, I’ll have to either postpone my wedding or move it up several weeks.

I have half a mind to call my mother up when my rings come in, tell her what day to come down and witness, and just get married quietly, but quickly. At least then it would be settled.

And part of the waiting game will be over…

Just hurry up and wait…

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