I think I have just realized something fundamental about my personality. And no, it ain’t pretty.
See, I was talking online to my bestest friend Caroline, and I realized that I think I have a need to rub salt in my wounds. I don’t know whether it’s because I like to feel like crap, or it’s because I want to figure out what went wrong.
Folks have really treated me badly, although they don’t probably realize it. And instead of just putting it behind me and letting the wound heal, I’m constantly opening it and scraping at it. I seriously feel somewhat ill because I have reopened these wounds again instead of just letting them scab over and turn into faint scars.
I don’t know why that is. But I have to keep investigate and figure out exactly where I fucked up, even if I wasn’t at fault at all. And how will I ever know whether I am the one who fucked up or not? I’m too much of a wuss to confront anyone.
But maybe one day I will learn to just let go and forget. Lord knows I have been able to let go of a lot of crap that went on in my early years.
Just one of those things… I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do.
On a happier note, I got reconnected with one of my friends who is now teaching overseas. God, I miss him. He is a great guy to talk to, and he gives some wonderful hugs. He was really there for me when I was having such problems. So now I have his address; a few care packs might be in store for him! :o)
Oh and by the way, I think someone really needs to find a way to get Frick not to come back to work. Frack I can deal with, but Frick….
Their newest thing is rummaging through my desk. See, I have amassed a lot of things that make our job easier, but that’s because I hauled my rear over to the other building and outfitted myself out with all sorts of cool office supplies. This does NOT mean that the entire office gets to “borrow” everything out of my desk without asking so that I have to retrieve it off of both Frick and Frack’s desk before I can complete any task. Especially when they’ve gone through my desk to get said items.
Of course since I’m non-confrontational because I’m a wuss, I don’t say anything and progressively get more annoyed.
But I’m getting to the point where I’m just really rude to Frick. I really don’t agree the way she’s scamming the city, she can’t remember anything I tell her, she messes up everything I do, and actively tries to make me look bad. My boss knows my worth, though, so I’m not worried about her succeeding. Plus there’s a LOT of other people there that can’t stand her either. So it’s not just me.
More happy news: Kurt and I have been officially together for two years and two days. YAY! And three months and one week and two days married. May our married life continue into the next millenium. Or something like that. :o)
It’s 10pm and hence time for bed. *snore*