The Mind of Bluesleepy

Wondering about baby 4 September 2004

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 5:24 pm

When I did laundry this afternoon, there was something banging around in the dryer as I finished the last load. I am blaming my husband’s jeans since I never did find anything in the dryer that would make such a noise. Once I found a metal object (I forget what Kurt told me it was) in the dryer that Kurt had so kindly brought home from the ship. Beware your husband’s pockets — and always double-check them!!

I had quite a few phone calls this morning, which was rather surprising to me. Normally I get about two or three calls a day, one from Michele and a couple from Kurt. This morning I had three within an hour! First Kurt called me to see how I was — yes, it’s Saturday, but he’s got duty. Grr. And on Labor Day weekend too. Grrr. At least, it being Labor Day weekend, he gets Monday off too, so we get a normal weekend, but a three-day weekend would have been lovely. Next weekend he has duty on Friday (damn the six-section duty sections), and he has to work on Saturday since it’s September 11th. Fortunately the ship is giving him a comp day on Monday, so we still get our weekend. But it still sucks. Anyhow, so Kurt was my first caller. Then my stepmother Marty called me, just to see how I am doing. A little later, Caroline called me to see what else I need for the baby! I was majorly feeling the love today.

One thing that I have come to appreciate as an adult is my stepmother. We don’t normally see eye to eye, and we have very differing opinions on lots of issues. One thing I am seriously working on for her benefit is the way my baby brother treats her, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. All during high school, we fought for various reasons, but mostly because she would get mad at Mark, my brother, for some reason, but not want to take it out on him. So I would get in trouble instead. And being a teenager, that was the high of UNFAIR! As an adult, I have come to realize that life very rarely is fair, and that regardless of our differences, living with Marty and Dad was the best thing for me as I grew up. The whole secret to dealing with Marty is simply to ignore what she says, and try not to let it bother you. She doesn’t even know half of what comes out of her mouth, so it’s completely not worth it to try to chastise her for it. It’s just a losing battle.

I thought she would be very cautious in her feelings towards me regarding the pregnancy, and I was dreading telling her I was pregnant. Of course, I was dreading telling nearly everyone, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment. Marty was not fortunate enough to get pregnant on her own, fertility treatments and various other things notwithstanding. Dad was very good about the whole thing, and very supportive of her as well. But it was not to be. Finally they decided to adopt, and that’s how we ended up with Mark. But she has remained rather bitter about never having been pregnant.

But she’s been very excited for me. When I tell her about things, she doesn’t cut me off or try to steer the conversation to other things. She has offered several times to come stay with me after the baby is born to help out. And even though she considers herself to be too young to be a grandmother, I think she’ll make a pretty good one. I keep telling her the average age of a first-time grandma is 45, and she’s older than that by a few years.

I may just ask her to come out to visit at some point. Kurt is supposed to go down to San Diego for a month or two to get his ship fixed, but the timetable for that is all up in the air. I know my mother-in-law wants to come out, but I am hesitant about that for a couple reasons. First, if Kurt goes to San Diego in October, and she comes out then, we’ll see here only a couple months later when we go to Tucson for Christmas. So it’s not like she won’t see the baby when s/he’s little anyhow. Secondly, I absolutely love my MIL, and I think she’s a great lady, but… I am fortunate that we don’t have the stereotypical MIL-DIL relationship, especially as she views me as not just her son’s wife, but as a daughter that she never had. It’s just that my MIL is very opinionated about things and won’t hesitate to inform me that everything I am doing is wrong. And you can’t discuss it with her either; she is just convinced that the only way is her way. She thinks I’m rather odd for wanting to use cloth diapers, and said to me, “What do you want to bother with those for???” when I told her. Disposables just aren’t a good thing — do some research on the Internet (there are some very reputable sites out there on the subject) and you’ll see what I mean. Plus she’s one of those women who knows the best way of doing things, even though it’s been 25 years since she’s had a newborn in the house. There have been a lot of advances since then, and I know she would do something like put the baby to sleep on his tummy instead of on his back because that’s how she did it when she was raising the boys and they all turned out fine. Yes, that is true, but I don’t want to take a chance on my baby dying of SIDS, thank you.

But like I said, she’s a lovely woman, and she has the best of intentions with her concern. I just don’t think it would fly too well if she were to come stay without Kurt being here to act as a buffer. Plus I still feel like a newcomer to the family and would rather not antagonize my MIL by arguing with her. I think it’s just best if I wait till Kurt comes back from San Diego and we can both go to Tucson with the baby.

If Marty were to come, however, I think that would work much better. I think most of the problem I had with Marty when I went to visit this summer was the interaction between her and Dad. I know that marriages are different for everyone, and I know Dad and Marty argue a lot about the stupidest things, but I am no longer used to the conflict. I think if it’s just the two of us, we’ll be just fine. Plus she agrees with the whole cloth diapering issue, and I won’t have to fight about that tooth and nail if she does come to visit. I have the feeling that if my MIL came, I would have to buy disposables for her to use just to keep the peace, and I am not very comfortable doing that.

But anyhow…

Things are coming along nicely in the baby department. We finally got rid of the hideously large black corner computer desk that Kurt bought in the late 90s when he lived in Hawaii, and it is slowly being tossed out in the trash. And good riddance to it too! We bought a MUCH smaller computer armoire that frees up a lot more room, yet holds more than the corner monstrosity that we had in here previously. Plus it looks a lot better. The bassinet is hanging out here in the office for the time being because while it does fit into our bedroom, it does take up a bit of room, and I’d rather not have to maneuver around it when I’m nine months pregnant. It’s hard enough getting out of bed without having to get around a bassinet! We have a changing table graciously donated by my neighbors that is packed full of stuff that doesn’t yet have a home, but will soon. This weekend our project is to get the closet in here in some semblance of order so it can be used more efficiently. I’d love to have a dresser, but we really don’t have the room for it. Next weekend we will probably be getting the crib from our friends in Tacoma, which means I’ll be able to put in the bedding I bought at the consignment store that I absolutely adore. By then it will REALLY start feeling like a nursery, and I’m pretty excited.

I am officially 37 ½ weeks pregnant, which means, of course, that I could “pop” at any time. I’m still not huge and uncomfortable, for which I am quite grateful, and I’m not tired of being pregnant. But I am anxious to meet the baby, finally figure out for sure whether it is a girl or a boy (although I am confident it’s a boy!), and get on to the mothering stage. I don’t handle “wait and see” situations well, and that’s what I’m doing — waiting another day to see if I go into labor. The uncertainty is what I am getting tired of. But I’m sure before I know it, I’ll have the baby and then I’ll just be tired!

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