The Mind of Bluesleepy

That was odd… 31 May 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 10:19 am

Somehow I had gotten logged out of WordPress. Don’t these people know you can’t confuse me like that till I have had at least two cups of coffee?? I was wondering why I didn’t have the toolbar to add or edit posts at the top of my page, and it took me several minutes to figure out why.


I need to quit staying up so damn late. Last night it was 1:30am when I crawled into bed, and of course I had to read. (In case you were wondering, I am currently reading I, Elizabeth by Rosalind Miles, a loan from my very bestest friend.) Then Psycho Woman in the house next to mine had some visitors with a loud muffler at 5am, and since my window was open, I woke up.

I swear that woman is a drug dealer. There is no other reason I can fathom for the mass quantities of people that show up at her home on a regular basis. Monday I sat on my back porch, reading the weekend’s newspapers, and in one hour three different vehicles showed up, none of which were in very good condition. The average length of time these visitors stayed at Psycho Woman’s house was 10 minutes.

The folks that show up aren’t even return visitors! It’s always someone new. And people show up at her house at all times of the day and night. All day long, and through most of the night, I hear loud mufflers drive up to her house and just as quickly leave again.

I’ve been told that the sheriffs’ department knows about her, but we’re such a small force way out in the country that they don’t bother with her. She’s just not one of the big fish.

Oh well. At least they keep to themselves.

I’m up to a year and a half on my archives. Last night I got a lot done as I chatted on the phone with my friend. It kept me from actually reading every single entry, which is what takes me so damn long when I’m switching the entries over.

It’s so odd to read these old entries. It does make me thankful for the life I have now, however. Yes, it’s hard with Kurt being gone so much and having to be a single mother of sorts, but at least we have a fairly solid marriage, and Grace is a very good girl.

Seven years ago when I started this blog I had no idea what I wanted to do when I graduated college. I had no plans. I didn’t even had a clue! I wasn’t sure whether Kurt and I would stay together, and I was deathly afraid it wouldn’t last. I felt as though he was my soul mate, but he’d always said he would never get married.

I was at college, stuck in a major that I couldn’t begin to comprehend. There was no way I could switch out, since my parents refused to pay for a fifth year. I just had to stick it out and pray I graduated, with the help of much smarter people than me.

My relationship with my parents was in the toilet. I felt as though my father wouldn’t let me grow up and be a woman, instead of a young girl under his thumb. Frequently I was told I couldn’t do something, things that most of my classmates would think nothing of doing. I was still under an insanely early curfew for someone old enough to drink.

Most of all, he didn’t like Kurt. I think he felt he wasn’t good enough for me (which I guess is a normal fatherly reaction), and he wasn’t keen on Kurt’s being a sailor. I find that somewhat contradictory, since my father spent 26 years on active duty in the Navy, and continues to work for the Navy as a civilian.

My relationship with my stepmom was terrible. She said a lot of very cruel things to me, and I’m sure I wasn’t very nice to her in return. We butted heads every single day that I was home on school breaks. It’s probably because we’re too much alike!

My parents are also a lot more mellow now than they were then. Somewhere between then and now they decided they didn’t want to fight all the time, with each other, with me, with my brother, with anyone. It takes a lot more to get my father riled up now, and my mom* is a lot more gentle as well.

Now my mom will call me to vent when she’s feeling down. She’ll check on me and see how I’m doing. She’ll call when she’s bored, when she just wants to hear a loving voice. In the last week alone, I think she’s called me four times.

I love knowing she’s proud of the woman I’ve become. She thinks I’m a pretty good wife (not everyone is perfect, least of all me), and she thinks I’m doing a great job with Grace. We can talk about everything from politics to what books we’re reading. Every so often, I’ll pack up a book or two and mail them off to her so she can enjoy a book I found particularly good. She’ll see a good article in the Washington Post and mail it off to me. She even finds cute clothes at Costco and picks them up for Grace! Most of all, she gathers the coupons out of the newspaper and mails them off to me every few weeks, which allows me to save at least $10 off a $150 grocery bill when I go to stock up.

I’m so glad I was able to find some common ground with my parents at this point. Life is short, and it’s very precious. You never know when it’s going to end. If something terrible happens and I lose either of my parents at this point, I won’t feel regret that I didn’t forgive them, that I didn’t come to an understanding, that I simply didn’t like them. I would be devastated, of course, but at least it won’t be tinged with regret.

*All references to my “mom” refer to my stepmother, aka Marty in earlier entries.


8 Responses to “That was odd…”

  1. michele Says:

    *sniff, sniff* what about your close relationship with your big-little sister?!?! 😉

  2. art Says:

    youre folks see how you are now, i think they was worried at first and thats all right, you are doing just fine!!!!

  3. Amanda Says:

    I think you’re great!!! I also think it’s awesome the relationship you’ve built with your parents. I’m trying with my Father, but my Mom and I have always been close. I couldn’t live without her, it’s VERY hard to live so far away from her, as I’m sure you can relate to.

    About my Dental insurance….I have United Concordia as well, same as you. But I pay more because of Kailee. It’s actually only 25 bucks a month now…back then it was 40 for a family plan. Yea and I wish all I needed was a few fillings at 16 bucks a pop, that would be dreamy. We’ll see what I’m up against tomorrow!! Take care!!

  4. purple chai Says:

    So many people let childhood resentments build into adult aloofness with their parents. I think it’s a real achievement for you and your parents to have built a good relationship like this as adults.

  5. The other half Says:

    its weird to read about that time in you life. i have been enjoying reading it. its a trip down memory lane. funny to think that you didnt even know we would be at this point in our lives. a lot glad of the change but i am so glad it has changed with you in my life. thats the one thing that must remain a “given”.


  6. yankee-chick Says:

    Just from what I know of you from getting ‘acquainted’ these recent months here in Blog-ville, I think you are a totally awesome young woman! Only wish I could know you in person! I hope things continue to improve with your parents. I have a hard time understanding such things. My Dad was simply the best…my Mom and I had alot of issues but we pretty much accepted each other and made the best of it. We knew we loved each other and that’s what counts. I miss them both every single day, but have tons of awesome memories!

  7. Blue Opal Says:

    I should try and catch up with you archives, but it’s about all I can do these days to keep up with CURRENT entries for my friends. Still, I know what you mean about the trip down memory lane. It can be a pretty significant eye-opener to go back and read your own words, can’t it?

  8. Caroline Says:

    I’m glad that the relationship with your parents have gotten closer! I think parent/child relationships change, I would like to think for the better but not always, once the child is an “adult” know what I mean?

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