Awww, thanks for all the compliments on the photo yesterday. The general consensus is that it looks like an old-fashioned photo from the 60s or 70s. I told SP that everyone liked the photo, and she was surprised. I don’t know why; she takes great photos!
Anyhooo. I’m definitely a grumpy butt today. It’s overcast, raining, and cold (it’s only 58º at the moment), which doesn’t help either. I would seriously prefer not to be awake, but Grace wasn’t keen on staying in her crib any longer.
Kurt went to work early Monday morning and stood duty, which meant I wasn’t going to see him till Tuesday afternoon at the earliest. Then something went seriously wrong with the engine on the ship, so he didn’t get off work till 6:30pm. That meant he didn’t get home till 8 — just in time to say hi to Grace, grab a bite to eat, and put her to bed. And of course he had to work today, which meant we really got only a couple hours together before we had to go to bed.
His work schedule is killing me. Yeah, it’s been nice having him work only every three days for the last five weeks or so, but I knew once everyone got back to work on Monday, the shit was going to hit the proverbial fan. I have been around the Navy my entire life, and I have never seen a command with lower morale. Several of Kurt’s guys have chosen to get out of the Navy once their enlistment was up just because of this command. It’s absolutely insane.
And I know I really shouldn’t complain because this is his last real week of work. Come Monday, he’ll be at the sub base doing temp work. He’ll probably just answer phones or do data entry or some boring thing like that. He’ll get to work at 7am and probably leave no later than 3pm. With a 30-minute commute, he could be home in time to play outside for a while before dinner.
But 1 august is looming large ahead of me. And no, the house hasn’t sold, so it’s looking more and more likely that Kurt will go to Rhode Island without me. I’m very stressed out about that. I just did seven months on my own here; I don’t particularly want to do an open-ended separation this soon. Who knows when the house will sell? I have to stay here until it does. It might sell next week, it might sell next month, it might not sell till next year (it’s unlikely that it’ll take that long, but it could).
I’ve also been somewhat conditioned not to vent about these issues to my real-life friends here in town. They’re all civilians, and none of them want to hear it. One of them is envious of the benefits we receive, how we’ve got a special department store and a grocery store where we can purchase things on the cheap. I don’t think she realizes it’s just one small benefit weighed against the very large suckage that is an extended deployment. Another friend tells me, every single time I want to vent, that I chose to marry a sailor, and therefore because it’s my choice, that I have no right to complain. I should have known what I was getting into. That one totally floors me. She has a tendency of venting about her kids; should I tell her she chose to have kids, so she can’t vent about them? She should have known what she was getting into ahead of time?
So yeah, my real life support system is crap. That’s why I love this community of journalers. Not all of you comment every day or even at all, but when you do comment, it’s almost always an uplifting thing to read. Then I go off to everyone else’s pages, and someone’s got a funny story to tell, or someone’s written about their day in a very witty way, or my good buddy Art has posted some adorable Zipper photos. Even reading everyone else’s comments on someone’s page can cheer me up; we’ve got some pretty damn funny people out there.
But as for me, this morning I’ll keep drinking my coffee and working on my Pogo badges and try to think myself out of this funk. It can’t last forever.