The Mind of Bluesleepy

Detachment 3 September 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 7:56 pm

This is the part of moving that absolutely sucks balls. It makes me want to crawl back into bed and bury my head into the covers.

This is the part where I have to say goodbye.

You’d think it would get easier and easier as time went on, but it really doesn’t. I was really ready to get the hell out of Dodge when we moved away from Virginia. I was having major family issues with both halves of my family, and I just needed to get away from it all. I was tired of being treated like a child, and I felt I could finally breathe and grow up if I were as far away from everyone as possible.

Sure, I felt a little bit of sadness leaving my birth state, but I always knew I’d be back. Maybe we won’t live there again, although I’d like to think we will, but I’ll be back for visits with my family (that includes you, Caroline) at the very minimum.

Now it’s looking very unlikely that we’ll ever make it back to the West Coast. My four and a half years having the ocean to the west are drawing to an end, and there’s an ache there.

Ask me a few months ago how I felt about moving, and I’d tell you the sooner I could get out of this state, the better. I was tired of everything here. Tired of the weather, tired of my small house, tired of my husband’s deployments, tired of living a zillion miles from everything, tired of every errand costing me at least an hour of my time, tired of my civilian friends who would never “get it,” no matter how much I tried to explain it to them.

Ever since January, I’ve been making friends left and right. It makes me wonder where all these people were the previous three years. I’ve even managed to get very close to some of my new friends, to the extent that it’s actually causing me pain to leave.

It just sucks, is what it does.

I am normally a very optimistic person. I’m one of those people who tries to make lemonade when given lemons, unless I’m in the mood to throw myself a pity party. I do my damnedest not to throw very many of them, but it’s been known to happen.

I love the fact that I’m moving. I love that I’m going to a state I’ve never even seen. I love that we’re going to be able to drive throughout our gorgeous country and see things I’ve never seen before, except on tv and in books. We’re going to Yellowstone to see Old Faithful, and then we’re off to Mount Rushmore. Being an East Coast girl, I’ve never been able to see such things. I’ve never seen most of the states we’ll be driving through, and that fills me with an amazing sense of adventure and joy.

The other half of me is filled with sadness and trepidation. And sometimes that side of me wins. Even now my throat is tight and my eyes are watering, thinking of all I’m leaving behind, and all I must rebuild once I get to Rhode Island.

I’ve left so many people behind so many times, and I’ve lost many, many friendships.

  • 1979 I was born. Lived in Ocean View, Norfolk, Virginia.
  • 1981 My parents divorced. Moved to a new house in Ocean View.
  • 1985 Dad got custody of my sister and me; moved to northern Virginia.
  • 1989 Adopted baby brother, Mark; moved to northern Illinois.
  • 1992 Moved to Omaha, Nebraska.
  • 1994 Dad retired from the US Navy; moved back to northern Virginia.
  • 1997 Graduated high school. Started college in Williamsburg, Virginia.
  • 2001 Graduated college; moved to Portsmouth, Virginia; married Kurt.
  • 2003 Moved here to Washington; Kurt spent most of his tour of duty underway.
  • 2007 Moving to Rhode Island.

As you can see, I’ve only lived in one place for four years at most. It’s not moving from one end of town to another to find cheaper rent; it’s moving at least the length of a state, and sometimes across the country.  And some of those moves were mid-school year, which just made everything that much more complicated.

Most of the time I feel lucky that I can tramp all over the US and not have to foot the bill. But right now, I’m mainly sad to be leaving all that I have built up over the years, and scared to death of doing it all over again in Rhode Island.

This, too, shall pass. I just have to wait it out.


9 Responses to “Detachment”

  1. shipjumper Says:

    Hugs to you sweetie. BIG hugs and a shoulder for your tears. Moving is hard and very stressful no matter what the circumstance. My last move was thousands off miles away and to a new country after I’d just gotten settled in with some wonderful friendships, so I can relate. There are some wonderful people waiting for you in RI sweetie, just you wait! I promise. And hey….you’re closer to me now! Come meet me in Niagra eh? Smooches!

  2. Fi Says:

    You’re right. That part of moving licks major dog balls. Leaving friends behind is the cruelest part of the military life style. But, on the other hand, there are all those new friends waiting for you that you have yet to meet. I’m sure your optimism will win out. Just as I’m sure you will make lots of new friends in RI. I mean, you are quality people, a veritable friendship honey pot. And, your old friends will go with you, even if it is just in emails and phone calls and comment sections!

  3. acaldwell Says:

    and of course all your online pals will be here too!! adventures await you in RI!! i used to cook at old faithful you know!!! its lovely!!

  4. michele Says:

    honestly, i think that the reason you have more friends in the last year that you’ve been in WA is that you’re “out there” more. first of all, you take Gracie a bunch of places and you meet people through your mutual interest of being a parent. the first year you lived in WA, i think you were still growing/maturing/learning, etc. Now, you’re comfy where you’re at and you’ve come out of your shell a bit. i think as a result, you’re likely to make friends more quickly and easily when you get to RI.

    that’s my 2 cents worth, anyway. 🙂

    love you!

  5. yankeechick Says:

    I think what Michele says makes a whole lot of sense. It’ll be easier this time, Sweet Pea! I hope you enjoy the trip. There’s so much beauty out there on the road! Soak it in and ‘snap’ it up!! get it …’snap’ it up, as in we’ll all be expecting tons of pictures once you get settled in! Hee hee!!

  6. Caroline Says:

    Moving does stink and I’m sorry. When we moved back here from Baytown, I was sad mainly because I had made such great friends that last year I was living in TX. And now I want to move again somewhere else, maybe back to Houston despite the weather.

  7. whatdayisit Says:

    I also agree with other comments…having a young child means you will be out “there” helping her make new friends and so…you will make new friends too. I am sure you will enjoy your cross country trip to RI. You will have so many wonderful sights to see and will take pictures to enjoy. The sunset picture you took was so beautiful. You should have it framed! Enjoy the trip, savor every moment, and can’t wait to hear from you again when you get to your new home and settle in.

  8. Blue Opal Says:

    Moving IS hard. Picking up and moving across the country IS hard. But fortunately these days you can keep up with old friends through the click of a button. Hang in there – think of this move as another adventure!

  9. G Says:

    Transitions are never easy, are they? My parents, who’ve made sure to live within 40 of me always, have now relocated across the country, leaving me with the inlaws and, well, that’s it. My parents, starting in NYC, moved 4 times before I graduated h.s. My dad, who is a navy vet, was out of the military by the time I was born. But, he always had this desire to move on and out. At one point he contemplated moving to UTAH, but mom didn’t want to live amongst the Mormons (*shrugs*). I stayed in this house for almost 12 years because I wanted a little longevity and have my kids live in the same house until they graduated and married, but as much as I love my house, I hate my town…and my state… and taxes and traffic… and corruption. Well, the list goes on. Besides, I happen to think that we need a great adventure at least once in our lives. I am just getting frustrated because I’m ready to start and everyone else is standing there looking at me. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have work and uh, an idea as to where we want to live. So goes the adventure… *sighs*

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