This is the part of moving that absolutely sucks balls. It makes me want to crawl back into bed and bury my head into the covers.
This is the part where I have to say goodbye.
You’d think it would get easier and easier as time went on, but it really doesn’t. I was really ready to get the hell out of Dodge when we moved away from Virginia. I was having major family issues with both halves of my family, and I just needed to get away from it all. I was tired of being treated like a child, and I felt I could finally breathe and grow up if I were as far away from everyone as possible.
Sure, I felt a little bit of sadness leaving my birth state, but I always knew I’d be back. Maybe we won’t live there again, although I’d like to think we will, but I’ll be back for visits with my family (that includes you, Caroline) at the very minimum.
Now it’s looking very unlikely that we’ll ever make it back to the West Coast. My four and a half years having the ocean to the west are drawing to an end, and there’s an ache there.
Ask me a few months ago how I felt about moving, and I’d tell you the sooner I could get out of this state, the better. I was tired of everything here. Tired of the weather, tired of my small house, tired of my husband’s deployments, tired of living a zillion miles from everything, tired of every errand costing me at least an hour of my time, tired of my civilian friends who would never “get it,” no matter how much I tried to explain it to them.
Ever since January, I’ve been making friends left and right. It makes me wonder where all these people were the previous three years. I’ve even managed to get very close to some of my new friends, to the extent that it’s actually causing me pain to leave.
It just sucks, is what it does.
I am normally a very optimistic person. I’m one of those people who tries to make lemonade when given lemons, unless I’m in the mood to throw myself a pity party. I do my damnedest not to throw very many of them, but it’s been known to happen.
I love the fact that I’m moving. I love that I’m going to a state I’ve never even seen. I love that we’re going to be able to drive throughout our gorgeous country and see things I’ve never seen before, except on tv and in books. We’re going to Yellowstone to see Old Faithful, and then we’re off to Mount Rushmore. Being an East Coast girl, I’ve never been able to see such things. I’ve never seen most of the states we’ll be driving through, and that fills me with an amazing sense of adventure and joy.
The other half of me is filled with sadness and trepidation. And sometimes that side of me wins. Even now my throat is tight and my eyes are watering, thinking of all I’m leaving behind, and all I must rebuild once I get to Rhode Island.
I’ve left so many people behind so many times, and I’ve lost many, many friendships.
- 1979 I was born. Lived in Ocean View, Norfolk, Virginia.
- 1981 My parents divorced. Moved to a new house in Ocean View.
- 1985 Dad got custody of my sister and me; moved to northern Virginia.
- 1989 Adopted baby brother, Mark; moved to northern Illinois.
- 1992 Moved to Omaha, Nebraska.
- 1994 Dad retired from the US Navy; moved back to northern Virginia.
- 1997 Graduated high school. Started college in Williamsburg, Virginia.
- 2001 Graduated college; moved to Portsmouth, Virginia; married Kurt.
- 2003 Moved here to Washington; Kurt spent most of his tour of duty underway.
- 2007 Moving to Rhode Island.
As you can see, I’ve only lived in one place for four years at most. It’s not moving from one end of town to another to find cheaper rent; it’s moving at least the length of a state, and sometimes across the country. And some of those moves were mid-school year, which just made everything that much more complicated.
Most of the time I feel lucky that I can tramp all over the US and not have to foot the bill. But right now, I’m mainly sad to be leaving all that I have built up over the years, and scared to death of doing it all over again in Rhode Island.
This, too, shall pass. I just have to wait it out.