The Mind of Bluesleepy

Cue the music 22 January 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 11:22 pm

And that music would be…. Handel’s “Hallelujah” chorus! Of course!!!

My desktop is now fixed, my friends! Ten hours (and three days) later!

See, the desktop crapped out on the 19th. Y’all knew that already. I had to get my new Windows Reinstallation CD, since it was not included when I bought it two years ago. That was overnighted to me, but it still took till today because of the holiday weekend. It arrived today, and I immediately called Dell.

That was at 1pm. The first guy I talked to had me run the Check Disk utility. That took two hours, but it allowed me to boot into Safe Mode.  YAY!  Progress!!

By this time I was talking to Tech #2.  He was able to take over control of my desktop remotely, and he did a load of things I have no clue about.  He did this, he did that, he tried this, he tried that…. but if I tried to boot into Windows normally, I got the dreaded Blue Screen of Death.


He had me run the System Tree to see if my hardware was working properly.  That took three hours.  No kidding!

I called Dell again once it was complete, and Tech #3 (a wonderfully chatty but knowledgeable lady) took over my computer again and did a whole mess of things.  She actually got excited when I told her I kept getting a Blue Screen of Death; apparently that is her specialty!  We spent two hours on the phone while she did this, and then she did that, and then she did the other, and finally she ascertained that my problem had to be software.

At that point, we did a System Restore, and voila!  My computer booted to Windows normally!

What, pray tell, was the problem?  The only thing that could have possibly have mucked up my system, as it was the last thing to be downloaded after the Restore date, was an automatic Windows update.  I kid you not.  Windows mucked up Windows.  Why am I not surprised?

I finally got off the phone with this lovely tech, only to find that my monitor’s drivers were a little wonky.  My screensaver wouldn’t work, and I was very concerned that once Kurt tried to play one of his graphics-intensive games, he wouldn’t be able to.  That would be a Very Bad Thing.

That led to speaking to Tech #4.  Of the four techs I spoke to today, he was your typical help desk person.  He mumbled, he said “uhhh” and “ummm” and “I don’t know” a lot.  Really not very helpful at all.  I ended up getting rather frustrated with him, so I had Kurt talk to him.  Besides, my back was killing me from sitting in that computer chair for so very, very long.  He reinstalled the drivers for the monitor, and now everything is totally hunky-dory once more!

Now I feel retarded for having such a nasty panic attack.  It’s the way it works with me, though.  Something happens, especially to the computer, and I get really stressed out.  My heart pounds, my hands shake, my arm feels weak, and my digestive system stops working properly.  It’s insane!  Why do I get so stressed out?  It’s really not that big of a deal in the long run, I realize that.  I feel as though I’m making such a mountain out of a molehill.  No one else gets this worried about things; Kurt isn’t that stressed when things go down.

Heck, Kurt never gets stressed out!  I mean, sometimes he worries and finds it hard to sleep, but those times are so few and far between.  When we were dating, I was having a really hard time my senior year.  I had lost all my friends, no one would speak to me, I was almost failing my last computer science class (which would prevent my graduating), and I had no job prospects at all.  My life looked really bleak.  I would see someone walking down the street and imagine how it would feel to be that person.  They had friends, they had a job, they had a life!  What did they have that I didn’t?  Didn’t I deserve all these things too?

I couldn’t eat.  I felt nauseous all the time.  I couldn’t sleep when I went to Kurt’s house on the weekends.  Not even reading a novel before bed was enough to shut my brain off.  There was nowhere I could vent; this blog was read by all my former friends and I didn’t want to rock the boat any harder than it already was.  I was in a constant state of anxiety.

Kurt did his best when I was so stressed out.  The nights that I couldn’t sleep, he would hold me in his arms and just talk to me.  He didn’t have to say anything important; he would just tell me all kinds of random things.  I could concentrate on his voice and shut my demons out.  It worked!  And the nights I spent at his place were nights I actually got some rest.  It was a shame it was only two nights a week.

I need to find some way of getting away from that stress.  It’s really ridiculous how stressed out I get.  I need to come up with some good coping mechanisms.

I need to stop worrying so much is what I need to do.  Before I know it, I’ll have given myself an ulcer.  That, folks, is not good.

One day, I’ll have this all figured out.  I hope.


7 Responses to “Cue the music”

  1. art Says:

    you aint alone. i get them panic attacks too. ESPECIALLY if i cant get online!!!! i just try to occupy my time and my mind offa things.

  2. Blue Opal Says:

    Gah… Glad at least that you got the ‘puter fixed. Sheesh. I’m with you, though. The computer tanks, I freak!

  3. oh i stress too when the computer isnt working… but im glad its finally fixed!

  4. Shear Says:

    Whew! What a day! Glad your computer is up and running again!

  5. michele Says:

    well the good news is that at least you recognize that you want to make a change in your thinking… that’s where it starts. perhaps you may want to buy a yoga video. a lot of times, doing a few minutes of yoga can do wonders for the mind. (just a thought)

    {side note}– i’m listening to a channel on at work and OPP just came on. hee hee… giggle…

  6. Lena Says:

    I’ve had a windows update mess up my computer also. What a deal, huh?

  7. whatdayisit Says:

    We just had a mess with a yahoo thingee for my new computer and my husand had to reinstall whatever he has on his older computer on the new one so it would work again. I get all upset too because I don’t know how to do most of this stuff anyway.
    Knowing you get overily upset is the good thing because then you can work on getting over it….and I know you will.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s