The Mind of Bluesleepy

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over 28 October 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 7:37 pm

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??!

I had nothing to do with the above, I swear.  I left the house for a doctor’s appointment, leaving Kurt in charge of Grace and her friend.  When I returned home, this was on the fridge.

That is some funny stuff right there, folks.  But it sort of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.

I haven’t really wanted to talk about it here on my blog, but I’ve been a bit under the weather emotionally lately.  I guess you could call it baby blues, or what have you, but it’s been no fun at all.  I cry at the drop of a hat, I get upset at Kurt really easily, and I get so overwhelmed so easily.  Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus, pushing my rock up to the top of the hill, but before I can crest the summit, the darn thing rolls back down again so that I have to start all over again.  Sometimes it’s all I can do to get out of bed, knowing what all awaits me in the real world.

Today was my post-partum doctor’s visit, what Kurt cleverly calls my “well-wife” visit (you know, like when you take your kid in for well-baby checkups).  I had to fill out a questionnaire as to how depressed I was feeling.  I almost wish Kurt could have filled it out for me; he’s much better at seeing how I’m behaving than I am.

My doctor then sat me down and questioned me based on my answers.  She also gave me a pep talk of sorts, and told me it’s utter bullshit (her word, not mine) when people tell you it’s easier with two.  Maybe later in the game, when they can play together, but initially, when you are being pushed and pulled in two different directions with your two kids, it’s very difficult.  Everything takes so much longer.  Just going to swim lessons entails an extra twenty to thirty minutes preparation to get Mary Ellen fed and changed before we go, whereas before I’d tell Grace to put her swimsuit on five minutes before we left.

The pep talk helped a bit, and knowing I’m to call her in a week to discuss whether I might need medication is also helping because now I know it’s an option.  It also helps that I have so much support and friendship and love here.  I know I’ve said it before, but it’s just amazing what living in housing and having fellow military wives as friends has done for me.  For instance, this morning I went to the thrift store with one friend, watched another friend’s son, and visited my friend Pamela after my doctor’s appointment.  And once I got home, a fourth friend stopped by to ask me a question.  I am not given the opportunity to sit in my house and wallow in my self-doubt and misery, and that’s a very good thing.

Then I have the ladies (as well as a couple of ManJets) on my Flickr discussion group, to whom I can spill anything and everything, and not be judged or dismissed or made to feel badly.  They’ve all been incredibly supportive of me, and everyone else on the group, that it’s amazing.  We’ve hit a few rough patches here and there, but I think we’ve weathered them well and come out stronger on the other side for them.

However, one of my Flickr friends is having a very difficult time dealing with a shit-tacular situation not of her own making, and I wish I could do more for her than simply lend her an ear when she needs it.  But she is an amazing and wonderful woman, and I know eventually she’ll be just fine.

Bahhh, what a depressing post.  Well, hopefully it’s just temporary.  Baby blues can’t last forever, and there’s always the option for medication.  Also I managed to score some excellent deals at the thrift store today (two shirts for me, two pairs of jeans and three shirts for Grace, and for Mary Ellen four footed rompers, one sweater with a tassled hood, and two pairs of footed overalls, all for $50), and how can you be sad when you get such great deals?

Now if only I could guarantee Kurt an A in calculus, we’d be all set.

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11 Responses to “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over”

  1. purple chai Says:

    Sure, it’s easier with two … when they both go away to college. (Just kidding.) It’s not easier with one, or with two, it’s just that you get used to what you’ve got. I always say that two is as different from one as one is from none (if that makes any sense.) It’s more a matter of different than easy or hard. Glad you’re aware of how you’re feeling; that’s the most important thing here. Don’t feel a need to be cheerful or to be anything else other than you. (And btw, I mis-read what you wrote when you said you got Mary Ellen four footed rompers, and my first goofy thought was “Mary Ellen has four feet?” Didn’t seem right somehow.)

  2. Chelle Says:

    Oh, honey. It will get easier, I promise. Until then, please know I am hear to lend an ear if you need to vent.

  3. beanie Says:

    four footed rompers? Mary Ellen has four feet???? hahhaa

  4. sleepyjane Says:

    I’m sorry you’re feeling down in the dumps Blue! It’s amazing that you have so much support from the people around you, and that you have a good Dr! {{sending you tons of hugs}}

    And yay for deals. 🙂

  5. summerfever Says:

    Hang in there…this too shall pass. And when you have two, it’s like having ten. Or at least it feels that way sometimes. At least it’s better than three p) (I can say that since I have three…) Be patient…with yourself, with the baby, and with Grace. And remember, they might be sucking your life blood now, but in 12 years or so, they’ll be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Enjoy these years, they are gone in the wink of an eye.

  6. summerfever Says:

    okay, I was trying to stick out my tongue up there…
    ;p

  7. becca Says:

    Awwwww hun, you’ll be fine. Things will get better. I remember the first few months with the first one being hard and I know that I will have a very active 4 yr old to take care of too so I do have a little fear of that myself. It’s like the older kids are becoming so independent and grown up that we forget they are still kids. It sounds stupid but the thing I am dreading most with 2 kids is the school run in the morning. It can be stressful enough forcing Matthew to get ready and I feel like I’ll need to be up at 4am to have a new born ready too for just a 5 minute trip to school and back.

    Hang in there and I really hope things begin to improve soon. (((((((((((((hugest of hugs)))))))))))))))))

  8. michele Says:

    i’m sorry you’re feeling that way.. i want you to KNOW you can always call me. any time of day or night when you’re feeling low. sleep is not important when it comes to being there for you. don’t feel like you’re bothering me or that i don’t care—- i do. i struggle with depression, too and i know it’s no fun at all. and if your doctor thinks that meds will help, go for it. i mean, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. it sure beats feeling like crap most of the time, right?

    I love you!
    xoxoxox

  9. Elle Says:

    Well, you’re still enjoying your bargain triumphs, that’s a good sign. Sorry you’re blue, wondered what you’d been up to – phone uncharacteristically empty of text! Hang in, don’t panic and just go with it. Sending you love and white light!

  10. art Says:

    post partum depression sucks ass real bad! ((((((((HUGS))))))) but, you know, you have a loving husband for support and you have your family and friends, and that is more than what most people have!!! it is a temporary situation at best, and will subside over time! you have 2 wonderful babies and a good home! not to mention also that you are a fantastic cook!! just take baby steps, one moment at a time, and you will be all right!!! keep your sharp mind busy doing the things you love to do best!!! im rooting for ya!!

  11. Aimee Says:

    I feel the exact same way and I don’t have a newborn. I was chalking mine up to the weather. And no it is not easier with two…until they can play together while you read a book or do something self indulgent. It is like being pulled 1000 different ways at once. Hugs. This too shall pass.


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