The Mind of Bluesleepy

It’s not easy 17 June 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 10:07 pm

I SIT ON YOU!

That, if you didn’t know, is my dog Koolit.  In this photo he’s exacting revenge on Storm for sleeping in his bed, and for antagonizing him for the last eight years.  Storm loves to come up to kkoolit when he’s laying in his bed and minding his own business, and start rubbing on him.  And Koolit is not fond of Storm, so when Storm does that, he’ll tolerate it for a few moments before he heaves a huge sigh and finds someplace new to sleep.

Poor Koolit.

Poor Koolit, indeed.  We got Koolit in 2000, long before Kurt and I were even married.  When Kurt moved to Virginia, he told me he wanted an apartment to himself — NO ROOMMATES — and he wanted a dog.  So he found himself a nice one-bedroom apartment, and he visited the SPCA to look at dogs.  He was just about the only person to follow the rules of the apartment complex by settling on a dog under 20 pounds, and that was our Koolit.

When we adopted him, the vet estimated his age to be around four years.  That makes him thirteen now, an old gent by any standard.  And it shows.

Koolit isn’t doing so well.  I know I have written about him before with his health issues, but I thought we had them well in hand.  For a while we were battling several UTIs, but with medication and a prescription dog food, we got that cleared up.  He seemed to be doing well for a time, as well as an ancient dog who can’t really see and probably can’t hear can do.  He still couldn’t jump up on the bed to snuggle with me once Kurt went to work, but he seemed happy.

But lately he’s been losing weight.  I had to bathe him last week because sometimes he drips when he pees, and he was starting to smell pretty rank.  I noticed that you can feel his spine clear as day, and his ribs would be showing if he didn’t have so much fur.  He feels like he weighs next to nothing when you pick him up.  He’s never been fat, but he’s always been solid, a nice heft of a dog.  In fact, one of the vets along the time was recommending he lose a pound, since he was overweight.

He never asks to go out anymore.  When he’s feeling up to it, he’ll stand at the back door silently, and just wait till you notice he’s there.  The rest of the time he noses around the kitchen to find a likely place to relieve himself.  Sometimes he’ll even poop inside, and that’s not like him at all.  When we first got him, we were very irresponsible pet parents, and we had left him alone overnight.  The poor boy was bursting at the seams when we returned, but he managed not to soil any surface in the apartment.  And now he can’t seem to help it.

This morning I realized he hadn’t yet gone out to do his business and saw him nosing about the kitchen.  As I was trying to corral him towards the door, he started peeing.  And then my heart broke into a million pieces as he lost his footing on the linoleum, laid in his pee, and continued to empty his bladder.

Dogs are clean animals.  They don’t want to wallow in their waste.  They don’t mess where they eat.  So for Koolit to have lost such control, I know it’s a very bad thing.  All he really does is sleep all day.  When he does go out, he gets confused and doesn’t seem to understand how to get out the door anymore.  Last night he began yelping at an impossibly high pitch for no real reason.  Kurt petted him and comforted him as best he could, but he still seemed very confused.

All this adds up to a serious lack of quality of life for my poor puppy.  And I love this dog so, so much.  I’ve never had a dog before.  Heck, I don’t even like dogs.  But Koolit I love so much.  He was there when Kurt went out to sea.  He was my companion when I was lonely in Washington.  He always jumped up on the bed to cuddle with me once Kurt left for work in the mornings.  He laid near me and made me feel safe, even if he’s only a twenty-pound dog.

I think it’s time to say goodbye to Koolit.  I think that’s the kindest thing we can do for him right now, to repay him for all the love he’s given us over the last nine years.

But oh, how it hurts.

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10 Responses to “It’s not easy”

  1. cocoabean Says:

    I know it hurts. I’ve lost many pets over the years, and it’s never easy…. Let Koolit go with dignity and in peace, so he can go chase all the cats on the other side of the bridge. He will be waiting for you when you get there…

  2. poolagirl Says:

    Oh sweetie! I am so very sorry! My heart is breaking for you!

  3. beccasfamilyof5 Says:

    Poor Koolit and my sympathies to you all as a family. It’s never good to see anyone you love in pain or suffering – even dogs!!! I know what a kind loving person you are and you wouldn’t be considering this if you do didn’t care so much. There’s keeping things alive and there’s doing the right thing. Like cocoabean said, let him go with dignity and know you’ve done the best for him over the years. x ((((((hugs)))))) x

  4. Rosie Says:

    It does sound as if it’s time to bestow the final kindness, as hard as it always is. My thoughts are with you, and may you find the inner strength to get through this. Hugs to you all!

  5. sleepyjane Says:

    You know how I feel about animals Blue, so you know how very sad this post makes me. And I can only imagine how sad it must be for you, to make a hard decision like that is really brave.

    It’s really hard saying goodbye to a loved pet. They’re family.

    Good luck, give him a kiss for me?

  6. purple chai Says:

    I’m so sorry. What gets you through this is knowing you’re doing the right thing for your much loved little friend.

  7. karmacat Says:

    This is the hardest thing about being a pet owner. You know I just went through it last fall with P.J.

    Koolit is a lucky dog, though, to have been loved for so many years. Hugs.

  8. kitchenlogic Says:

    Oh how I hate this end of loving a pet. I’m so sorry.

  9. terri t. Says:

    Yes, it is time….and you know that allowing him to pass on is the kindest thing to do with your beloved pet. I am sorry. I know it hurts but he just has no quality of life now and he should be allowed to leave.

  10. Kym Says:

    When we noticed KC (our cat) wasn’t long for this earth, she did the same thing Koolit is doing. She stopped using the liter box, she stopped eating, she stopped doing everything. We found poop under the breakfast nook in the kitchen and so on. We took her to the vet and he said that KC’s (Kitty Cat) organs were failing and it would get too expensive to keep her alive. I wasn’t too fond of KC but for the short time she was in my life, I grew to love her. Jack had her for 20 years, so it was especially hard on him. I don’t know if this is any comfort but I wanted to share. KC is gone over 4 years now and we still miss her. We have pictures and memories of her though.

    I’m sorry to hear about Koolit. I know how much you love him and he loves you back.

    How’s Grace dealing with it?


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