The Mind of Bluesleepy

Hole in my head 24 April 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — bluesleepy @ 10:18 am

Things are starting to get back to normal around here.  There’s still a lot rattling around in my brain, things that have gotten exacerbated along the line, but I guess that’s just life.  You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and muddling along.  That’s all you can do, I’m starting to figure out.

And it helps knowing that I have friends.  Not just those I have in real life, though I’m very grateful for those, but you all who left me comments on my last post.  You are all wise women, and I will remember what you told me.  I do appreciate it.

On another note, my darling baby hit the terrible twos on Wednesday.  Yes, I do know the exact date it happened.  On Tuesday, she was still this sweet little silent baby, who watched everything going on around with great intensity.  On Wednesday, everything, and I mean everything, pissed her off.  We had screaming fits, we had temper tantrums, we had tears and runny noses.  She would lay herself out on the floor, full-length, and kick her heels in anger.  Nothing would soothe her.  Before Wednesday, if she cried, we could send her to her room, and because she didn’t like being alone, she would quickly calm down and come out to rejoin the family.  Now, she’ll just scream and scream and scream.  Not even her days of teething came close to this.  It’s shocking, really.

Now my world is turned on its head.  All these things that I could do before Wednesday with a calm baby can no longer be done.  We went out to dinner that night, and usually as long as we keep feeding ME, she’s a pleasant child to have at the table.  Run out of food, and, well…  But we know that’s the deal, so we keep her supplied with plenty of food.  That night, however, no amount of food was enough to keep her calm.  At first, she was fine, but when she felt she was done, she wanted out.  Out of her high chair, out of the restaurant.  I was so embarrassed by her yelling (and she really wasn’t that bad, but the restaurant was a quiet one; we’d gone out for Thai food, and ethnic restaurants here tend to be somewhat intimate affairs) that I ended up taking her out to the van.  That just completely undid her, and she laid on the asphalt as I opened the van door, screaming her fool head off.  She was so upset that as I buckled her into the car seat, she managed to hit me in the face with her set of Mickey Mouse keys, hard enough to stun me for a moment.

Where has my sweet little baby gone?  I’m hoping this is temporary.  She was extremely fussy during our trip to Arizona over Thanksgiving, but not long after we arrived home she mellowed out again.  I’m hoping that this doesn’t last long.  I don’t know how long I can stand this.  If this were the way she’s always been from day one, I would be used to it.  But I’ve been spoiled with such a good baby for the last nineteen months.

At least she’s not suffering from a lack of personality.  She has that in spades.

Amazingly enough, at an age when most kids are giving up that second nap, ME needs it more than ever.  The days when she doesn’t get her morning nap, she is a royal pain in the rear.  It means I have to stick pretty close to home (she tries so hard to stay awake as we’re driving from point A to point B, in case she misses something), but I’ve been somewhat of a hermit lately anyhow.  That’s actually a good thing, quite good for my pocketbook.  I do miss where we lived in Washington, though, near that cute little town.  At the age ME is now, Grace and I would head downtown at least once a week, have lunch at the bakery, wander to the used book store, and on sunny days, we’d play in the park on the water.  It was just the perfect afternoon excursion.

Now that I think about it, there’s a place sort of like that here, though it’s a little farther away.  We were there yesterday, having lunch at this little wrap shop on Main Street, and afterwards, we wandered down the street to let the kids run around a bit.  Somehow we found ourselves in a book store.  How that happened, I have no idea!  Haha.  It was an independently-run bookshop, which meant I just had to buy something.  I came home with The Emancipator’s Wife: A Novel of Mary Todd Lincoln, as well as a book about the human body for Grace, and a nifty children’s book called Good Masters! Sweet Ladies!: Voices from a Medieval Village.  I’ve always been fascinated by medieval times, and this is a book full of stories and poems and songs that bring the English medieval village to life.  It was half price, and in hardback, so I just had to pick it up.

That bookshop had its own resident pets, one of whom we noticed as soon as we walked in.  There was just the smallest sliver of sunlight pouring through the window display, and a gorgeous calico cat was perched there, soaking up the sun with her eyes closed in bliss.  I’m telling you — cats are solar-powered.  That’s the only explanation.  Then as I talked to the proprietor of the shop, I noticed behind her a dog in her office, a grey schnauzer that looked so much like my dear Koolit that it gave me an ache in my heart.  I still miss that dog, and it’s been almost a year already.  I can still smell his scent as I cuddled him, and feel his thick, curly fur under my fingers.  We had that dog nine years… I miss him so.


I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much still.  Goodness.


7 Responses to “Hole in my head”

  1. cocoabean Says:

    Just keep calm when ME throws her fits. There isn’t much else you can do.

  2. When she starts fussing,, did you offer her water? I learned (the hard way) with my children that a lot of times when they started screaming nonstop and nothing else worked, they were thirsty instead of hungry. It wasn’t a 100% solution but at that age, it often was THE solution!

    • bluesleepy Says:

      Thanks for the suggestion, but I don’t think that’s the issue. She carries a sports bottle full of water wherever she goes, and sleeps with one during her naps and overnight too.

      • Good for you! Sounds like you’ve covered all the bases. It’s probably a short-term phase and you’ll survive the tantrums and other forms of acting out. If it becomes excessive, though, please talk to your doctor. My older daughter was a mostly happy child too, but as she got older she developed out-of-control tantrums. She was eventually diagnosed as bipolar, and we could trace the behaviors back to her childhood. That certainly doesn’t mean ME is bipolar, but her sudden onset, if severe and ongoing, can indicate hidden medical issues. There were some very specific indicators with my daughter, probably none of which applies to your situation. But for both your sakes it is probably better to consider the possibilities IF this continues.

  3. poolagirl Says:

    Yeeee! I feel for you! We had one of those incidents in the museum the other day, and I felt so sorry for the parents! Is she getting along well with Grace? This whole thing sounds so puzzling!

  4. terri t. Says:

    when my son was two, he would have a good day and than 2 bad days..almost consistently. Thankfully he did grow out of it as he was an only child. Hope ME gets over this too.

  5. terri t. Says:

    Wanted to come back to let you know that I did read your comment on my blog and I thank you. I agree with what you said completely and that is why I got upset that some people (not you) were giving her all kinds of grief over this. While I didn’t like the joke, I really didn’t like the results of the posting.

    Don’t worry, we are just fine.

    And if this had happened at another time, when feelings weren’t so close to the surface; it might not have resulted in anything at all.

    It takes a good person to say they are sorry even when they are not the sole cause of the situation…and I thank you for that.

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